Sunday Snippet Critique Blog Hop

sunday_snippets critique blog hop image

It’s that time again, chickadees!  In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.   Want to get involved?  Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.

Here is my addition to the hop this week.   This is the beginning of Chapter 3 of my novel, In the Shadow of the Dragon King.  We are back with Eric in this piece.  Feel free to hack away.

Chickens squawked and scattered.  Grain wagons carrying fresh apples creaked over the cobblestones as servants hurried toward the kitchens with baskets of freshly picked berries and vegetables.  Chaotic shouts from the courtyard carried to Eric’s ears as dozens of domestics scrambled to prepare the courtyard for King Gildore’s and Queen Mysterie’s arrival.

Eric smiled at the thought of Their Majesties return.  They’d been away for a year, scouting for educators for the new university, set to break ground in a few months.  Word had it they accomplished their mission, and some of the sharpest minds from lands far away would arrive upon its completion.

Hirthinians were ecstatic, for the addition of a major learning center meant growth and prosperity to the kingdom.  Already, children and adults alike were learning to read and write in schools erected and staffed by the royal family.  A university would open opportunities, not only for Hirthinians, but to neighboring realms as well.  Others would arrive from lands far away. Trade and commerce would expand.  The small royal town of Hammershire would grow into a major city, a universal hub of activity. The dream for everyone to live with wealth, honor and grace in a land of opportunity and hope was one of many reasons the residents of the kingdom adored their king and queen.  It is also why they felt compelled to descend upon Gyllen castle and Hammershire to welcome them home.

Eric’s insides flitted with excitement, eager to hear about the royal couple’s adventures and plans.  His excitement was short-lived, however, when Sestian barged through the open barn doors, panting, his hair a mess and his clothes askew.

“Eric, you’ve got to ask Trog for permission to attend festival.”


Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

Six-ish Random Sentences

Even though I don’t officially participate in Six Sentence Sunday, I do occasionally like to post six-ish sentences from whatever W.I.P. I’m working on at the moment.  This one is currently from my revised YA/NA novel, IN THE SHADOW OF THE DRAGON KING, slated for beta reads January 1.  What are 6 sentences from your W.I.P.?  Post them, link them and let me know.  I’d love to read them.


The surgeon pulled another vial from the line, unstopping it with his teeth.  He spit the cork to one side and dribbled the liquid over the wound.  Trog’s flesh hissed as the drops ran into the bloody cut.  Like a hot brand it seared the edges of the wound, consuming him in screaming agony as it cauterized the deepest parts of the lesion.  Trog braced against the pain as the needle, threaded with fine strands of sun-bleached horse hairs, passed through his skin.  Eighty times the needle pierced the edges of the wound.  Trog bit down on the leather strap.  A single tear escaped and he turned his head to let it fall, unseen.

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Look! Look! – A writer’s challenge!

Last week, the amazing and talented Claire Gillen challenged me to a writer’s challenge. I’m a sucker for challenges, especially ones like this one, so I couldn’t turn her down.

What’s the challenge?

Search for how many times I used the word “look” in a W.I.P. and then post three paragraphs where the work appears.  Why “look”?  Because this is one of the most common “tell” words writers use, and it’s very easy to correct if used in a telling way.

Would you believe me if I told you that I only used the word 4 times in my current short W.I.P. , titled “A Voice in the Dark” and they appear very close to each other?  Trust me, I was shocked.

Anyway, here are my contributions to the challenge.

“Stop your snivelling Steven.  I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. Your shoulders are hunched in fear and betrayal lurks in every blink of your eyes.  Look around you.  Look into the lifeless faces of those you swore to protect.  How does it feel knowing they’re dead because of you?”

“I didn’t—”

Mark flung Steven to the ground, his foot pressed in the teen’s back.  “Shut up!”  Mark grabbed Steven’s collar and dragged him until he was inches away from the preacher’s face.  “Look into Reverend Harper’s dead eyes!  Smell his stench!  Look at what your incompetence has done!”

And there you have it, the only 4 times the word “look” appears in my WIP.  I think I’ve set a record.  What about you?  How about taking a peek at your current WIP and see how many times you use the word “look”.  You might just be surprised.