A few days ago WordPress notified me that I had a comment from a new commenter that needed to be approved. I have my settings like this so I can make sure the person is real, and I can see what sort of website/blog, etc. they have to know if I can trust them to comment on my blog. While WordPress does a good job catching a lot of spam, sometimes they do get through.
In this particular case, this commenter wrote her comments about a book I reviewed. No biggie, right? Except it was. The few short sentences she wrote were rude, defaming, and inflammatory, and I’m glad I have the power to ‘not approve’ the comment.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with allowing comments on my blog that don’t agree with mine. It certainly allows for conversation and debate, which is always good. But when the comments are nasty, are not focused on particulars of a topic, but more of an attack on someone, that’s where I draw the line. I simply will not allow such hurtful comments on my blog.
I’m wondering who else out there feels the same way I do. I mean, I’m the first to stand up for free speech and allowing people to speak their minds and express themselves and their opinions, but I have a problem with direct insults, bullying, and rudeness, especially on a public forum.
I wish I understood why there is so much bullying and hateful words floating around out there. What and whom does it serve? I was a ‘victim’ of bullying when I was young, the receiver of hurtful words. Even my own family members have said terribly hurtful things about my weight or my looks in general. Folks, these words cut, and let me tell you, the verbal wounds last much longer than any physical wound, especially when they are repeated over and over again. I simple can’t and won’t allow my blog to be a vehicle for those with hurtful comments.
I beg everyone to please think before you speak or write, otherwise Karma has a way to come back around a bite you in the butt. No one deserves this sort of stress in their lives. We already have enough to deal with that life dishes out. If you must disagree, please be respectful. Treat others the way you want to be treated. You’ll go a lot further in life with love and sincerity than anger and hate.
YA Chit Chat 
I AGREE WITH YOUR DECISION. HAVING AN OPINION IS ONE THING, BUT YOU CAN BE POLITE ABOUT IT. NASTINESS IN ANY FORM IN UNECESSARY. WHY AM I IN CAPS? OH, WELL.
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I have to agree most commenters and bloggers are super nice, but every once in a while there’s that one… How are you these days? Traveling much and how is Farley???
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I like my blog to be professional and positive. I have no problem removing comments that are rude, angry or otherwise offensive. I’ve marked my blog a general audience, so some words are just not appropriate. I’m happy to say, this rarely happens.
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I completely agree and have my comments set up for moderation because of this. From my experience, those who bully are usually the first to hide behind the freedom of speech. However in Canada (I can’t speak for other countries) freedom of speech does not cover hate speech or words designed to instigate hate toward a person or group of people.
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I believe people have the right to say what they want except when words are used to create panic. I mean, don’t scream “Fire” in a movie theater when there isn’t one. In turn, I have the right to print what I want on my blog and nastiness is not something I want to put out there. I mean, if someone wants to go down that road, let them, but I don’t have to participate or condone it. I’m so glad you weighed in aprobertsstories!
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I have my blog set up the same way, Jenny. I, too, don’t mind ops different than mine but there’s no need to take things to a nasty place, imo. You wonder if they talk to their mother with that mouth sometimes.
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How true. It’s ok to disagree but keep it respectful.
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It’s your blog and your decision. I have allowed some less-than-positive comments to stay on my blog, but I find most of the time as your meme says, it only reflects on them. If they wish to make themselves look like idiots, why not let them stay where everyone can see them so no one else follows them? I just ignore them. But again, my blog, my decision. I commend you for doing what you feel is right. 🙂
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Thank you for understanding and supporting my decision, Linda. Sometimes these calls are hard to make. We just have to go with our guts sometimes. 🙂
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I agree with you 100%!!! As a 7th grade teacher, I can certainly testify to the bullying problem 😦 And I hope the reviewer wasn’t picking on 18 Truths, hahaha!
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Nope, my dear, it wasn’t. 🙂
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You are absolutely right. It’s your blog and you decide what goes up. I feel the same way, especially since I get kids under 12 reading my blog and I watch content carefully.
Why do they do it? Because it makes them feel powerful. Because they think it’s fun. Because no one has told them not to. Because they don’t have to look in the eyes of the ones they insult. I, too, have been bullied — can you tell?
My advice, however, would be not to engage in banter or explanation. Some trolls can turn into outright stalkers. Just deny permission and move on.
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So right you are. Engaging a bully or a mean-spirited person, even in a positive manner, is giving them power, something I don’t wish to do.
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I agree. Someone once left a comment on my blog denigrating another commenter so I didn’t approve it. But other than that and an occasional troll, people have been very respectful. As you point out, that isn’t always the case. The rudeness out there in other forums is shocking and sad.
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I do have to admit the comments on the blog are much nicer than those I’ve seen on Twitter and especially Facebook. Of course, if I see something I don’t like on either of them, I delete them from my ‘page’. Life is too short for negativity and meanness.
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What is wrong with people today? I think it’s like driving a car where nice people get homicidal once they are behind the wheel.
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So true!
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Hear, hear! We can always disagree with someone in a respectful way, with well thought-through arguments, rather than getting personal and hitting below the belt. Well done for speaking up!
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Thank you, Marina. Sometimes you just gotta say it. 🙂
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My mother always taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. It is unfortunate in this day and age that people feel the need to be mean and cruel to others. Some people are just so insecure or angry at the world that they feel the need to make others as miserable as they are. Great post!
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You know, Cynthia, my mom always told me the same thing. I wish I understood where all this anger comes from. Thank you so much for dropping by.
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Totally agree with you. In general I’m impressed by how few hateful comments I see on blogs compared to a lot of online forums, especially like news stories that allow comments and that sort of thing, you just see these awful insulting comments – I always regret reading them. Why do people feel the need to be so horrible to each other? I don’t get it. As you say, there’s a difference between expressing a different opinion, which is perfectly fine, and turning it into personal insults which most certainly isn’t. And to be on the receiving end of those is hurtful. Even if you tell yourself that it’s their problem, not yours, you’re still human and words can sting. Sorry you had to deal with that!
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Ah, I’m ok dealing with it, but all I could think of is, My gosh, if I didn’t have my settings the way they are, this comment may have posted on it’s own and the author may have read it. Now granted, being as authors are in the light (not to the extent movie stars are, but we are in the public eye), we know not to respond to comments such as the one I received, and we also try to develop our skin to be thicker than a rhino’s, but hurtful words sting no matter how much we try to beef ourselves up. There was just no call for this, and for once, I’m glad I have the power to say “No, I am not going to allow it.”
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I totally agree, Jenny, and good for you for writing about this. Bullying in any form needs to be called out for what it is.
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Thank you. I debated posting this because I didn’t want to give this person any air time, but I felt it needed to be discussed and said.
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