I – Insecure


Happy Wednesday,and welcome to day 9 of the A-Z challenge.  Thank you once again for visiting and reading my contribution to this fun blogging event.  Please take some time to visit the other A-Z participants to see what they’re up to.

Now on to the letter I.

I’m insecure about my YA novel, The Eye of Kedge.  This novel has been in the works for years.  It started off many, many years ago as a thought that went dormant for a very long time.  Then, in 2003, it resurfaced again and I took out my pen and starting plotting it out a bit.  I wanted to get a feel for it, to see if I had something.  I dabbled with it here and there.  Did some research, wrote a bit but didn’t devote myself to it full-time until the spring of 2010.  Then, I whipped it out and sent it off to a publisher.  Thankfully, that publisher saw a diamond beneath all that black coal, and they gave me some really great advice on how to fix it – something unheard of in today’s publishing world.

I sat on it.  Mulled over their suggestions.  Some I liked.  Some I didn’t.  Then life sort of got a hold of me and well…let’s just say the past 2 years were really, really tough – physically, mentally and emotionally.  Now, I’m perked back up again.  I have a job.  I’m bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, but I can’t seem to finish editing my novel.  I told a friend of mine tonight I’m scared – scared of succeeding.  Scared of failing.

I’m insecure.

We keep hearing and reading about how our novels have to have that special ‘umph’, that ‘new thing’, that ‘wow’ that hasn’t been done before.  But no one tells us what that is.  Is it enough that I love the story I wrote?  Will it hold up to scrutiny?  Will it garner such horrible reviews I’ll want to climb under a table and die?  Will I ever think it’s good enough to see the light of day?

A publisher two years ago thought so.  Otherwise they wouldn’t have taken the time to hand out page after page of suggestions with an offer to resubmit.

So why am I so insecure?

Do any of you feel insecure about your passion?  How do you pump yourself up?  How do you find the courage to believe in you?

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15 thoughts on “I – Insecure

  1. We all feel insecure. Even after getting published we still wonder if we shouldn’t have done things a little differently. From what I’ve seen of the story so far, I think you have a gem, there. Take a page or two from your heroes and find the courage to launch your baby out into the publishing world. 🙂

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  2. This is a very relateable post, and I think most of us feel this way. I’m insecure about my writing, for sure. I wonder if I’ll ever finish a novel, or get published, or get good reviews.

    But I think, at the end of the day, all you can do is try. Because looking back later on and realizing you didn’t do something ’cause you were scared is so much worse.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. There are bad days and good days 🙂 The publisher definitely saw something there, or – as you said – they wouldn’t have sent pages of suggestions 🙂 Also, J Taylor Pub thinks so too 😉

    Keep going! And good luck!

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  3. I think as a whole, writers are insecure. Whether we are unpublished unknowns or bestselling authors – that insecurity is always there. We just have to push past it and never give up. 🙂

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    1. The thing is, I’m a perfectionist and I keep trying to perfect this piece. But there is no such thing as perfection. I think it’s my ‘out’ for not finishing, because it’s never going to be perfect. I have short stories out there, but a novel…that’s an entirely different beast. I just have to let go. So hard to do when I know I’m going to find something else wrong with it after I release it to the world.

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  4. One of my prized possessions is a card that reads, “What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?” I think about that simple question whenever I feel anxiety creeping in to remind myself that the only one who limits me is ME.

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  5. And easier question, Jenny, is who DOESN’T feel insecure? We’ve all btdt in some form or fashion, whether it’s a hobby, passion, work, kids, life in general. There is always something that we go “OMG, I can’t do it!” and then somehow, magically or if by the presence of God in our lives, or some other force, we do and we come out on the other side and go, ‘Oh! That wasn’t so bad!’ 😉

    Was it Wayne Gretzky that said “You always miss the shots you don’t take.” So go for it!

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  6. Hi Jenny,
    Thanks for the heartfelt post this morning. It’s a truly inspiring story to keep reaching for your dreams and as your reaching, that human thing of fear surfaces. I feel scared too with mine and I’m struggling down the last stretch of 20,000 words. I keep going though and tell myself a little each day. I’m not sure if you’re doing a little each day too because all of this marketing stuff can suck away your time, but keep going. Find strength in the people around you, who love you and want you to succeed. Because when it’s done and you have the story just the way it was meant to be, how awesome is that?
    I hope you have a Happy Wednesday!
    Eriika

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  7. Insecurity is part of who we are isn’t it, we all have it to varying degrees. Super over-confidence isn’t good either, a bit of self-doubt helps keep us in check. Has anyone else read that novel since the publisher did? Could you get some fresh opinions on it from someone? As you say, if the publisher took the time that they did with it, then it’s definitely worth taking forward! I totally know what you mean about fear of success as well as fear of failure – success can be scary because it kind of puts you out on show which goes against the introverted personality that a lot of us writers tend to have!

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  8. I really get this post and I think most writers will. We put so much into our work its natural. The one I find funny though, and you’ve also said it, is being afraid of succeeding. So how can we be afraid of both? Success and failure? Probably just fear of the unknown. We need to take that step outside of our comfort zone and put our work out there. It’s what all the work has been for.

    You can do it. Wishing you all the best with it!

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