Winner!!! Ding ding ding!!!

A few weeks ago I ran a contest to help find a name for my little bearded dragon.

my bearded dragon

My family and I discussed all the suggested names and decided on Walter, which makes mandyevebarnett a winner!!!!

Mandy, as the grand-prize winner, you get to pick one of the following, either in e-book or paperback:

crux Read the excerpt here 

Read the excerpt here    after dark

reaper Read the excerpt here

Please contact me by email at kford2007(at)gmail(dot)com to let me know the novel and reading method of choice.

Thanks to all of you for playing along.

I – Insecure

Happy Wednesday,and welcome to day 9 of the A-Z challenge.  Thank you once again for visiting and reading my contribution to this fun blogging event.  Please take some time to visit the other A-Z participants to see what they’re up to.

Now on to the letter I.

I’m insecure about my YA novel, The Eye of Kedge.  This novel has been in the works for years.  It started off many, many years ago as a thought that went dormant for a very long time.  Then, in 2003, it resurfaced again and I took out my pen and starting plotting it out a bit.  I wanted to get a feel for it, to see if I had something.  I dabbled with it here and there.  Did some research, wrote a bit but didn’t devote myself to it full-time until the spring of 2010.  Then, I whipped it out and sent it off to a publisher.  Thankfully, that publisher saw a diamond beneath all that black coal, and they gave me some really great advice on how to fix it – something unheard of in today’s publishing world.

I sat on it.  Mulled over their suggestions.  Some I liked.  Some I didn’t.  Then life sort of got a hold of me and well…let’s just say the past 2 years were really, really tough – physically, mentally and emotionally.  Now, I’m perked back up again.  I have a job.  I’m bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, but I can’t seem to finish editing my novel.  I told a friend of mine tonight I’m scared – scared of succeeding.  Scared of failing.

I’m insecure.

We keep hearing and reading about how our novels have to have that special ‘umph’, that ‘new thing’, that ‘wow’ that hasn’t been done before.  But no one tells us what that is.  Is it enough that I love the story I wrote?  Will it hold up to scrutiny?  Will it garner such horrible reviews I’ll want to climb under a table and die?  Will I ever think it’s good enough to see the light of day?

A publisher two years ago thought so.  Otherwise they wouldn’t have taken the time to hand out page after page of suggestions with an offer to resubmit.

So why am I so insecure?

Do any of you feel insecure about your passion?  How do you pump yourself up?  How do you find the courage to believe in you?