Last night I sat on the edge of my bed and broke down in tears. Up until then I’d been surfing the web, reading the blogs I follow, commenting where I felt I had something to say and applauding them for winning yet another blog award or getting their 1000 follower on Twitter or getting an agent or publisher for their novels. Truly wonderful and fantastic achievements and I’m so very happy to be a part of it, knowing my writing buddies are moving forward and seeing the fruits of their labors.
So why should this make me cry?
While I was honestly thrilled for them, I was also saddened because it wasn’t me. Oh, I know this confession sounds horrible and incredibly selfish, but it’s not. It just hurts somehow, deep in the core of my being. I’m not sure where it comes from. Maybe it was because I was told all my life I’m not good enough at anything I did. I was actually told as a child that I had no personality, no one liked talking to me, no guy would ever want me, and the worst – I was completely unlovable, so much so even my own parents didn’t want me and gave me away. That one hurt. It still hurts, forty years later. Even my own kids have told me at one time or another I’ve failed them as a mom. Don’t tell me words don’t hurt. They not only hurt, but the cuts they leave behind remain forever.
Over the course of my life, I’ve allowed others to instill their beliefs about me into me, and I believed them. After all, if so many people said the same thing, then obviously they saw something I didn’t. Sadly, it’s followed me into my adulthood and it’s a struggle every day to try to find ways to believe in myself, to believe I’m good at what I do. When I see my fellow bloggers get another award or achieve some fantastic success, I’m not jealous; it’s just a knife in the chest that reiterates to me I’m not as good as them at something I love to do. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy for them and I don’t want something because I didn’t deserve it or because someone feels sorry for me. I want to get rewarded for hard work and perseverance. Their success, though, and my lack of it reinforces the negative thoughts: ‘you have no personality’ and ‘no one wants to talk to you.’ I am so much more a champion for others to succeed than I am for myself because it’s been beat into me that I will never succeed at anything. And yet, I keep holding on to that dream of being a great author someday. That someone, somewhere, will pick up my novel and love it so much that they read it over and over and over again until the binding falls apart, the pages are worn…even dog-eared. Somewhere in time, my novel(s) will be well loved.
So why do I let others’ success draw me down? I think it’s because their success seems to come natural for them. They just open their mouths and people listen and click ‘follow’. I’ve never had that. Never. I don’t even know how to obtain that. I’m the person who takes 2 steps forward and gets pushed 20 steps back and it’s a constant struggle to push ahead. Yet, I keep trying.
Why do I care about whether I get a blog award or if people follow my blog? All of us want to feel loved, needed and special. For someone like me who feels completely and utterly alone in a room full of people, I have to fall back on my passions, my dreams, to keep me focused. When I don’t get recognized or passed over for my hard work, I begin to doubt myself, again. I hear those negative words, ‘you’re not good enough, even at the thing you love doing…writing. I guess I need the ‘atta boys’. I need people to say “I appreciate you.” It’s sad.
So, if no one cares about what I say or what I think, then why write this blog?
I write it because I know I am not the only one out here in the blogosphere who suffers from low self-esteem, and if I talk about it and others read it, then maybe they won’t feel so alone. Maybe I can impart some wisdom, and if I can help one person with this blog, I’ll have achieved a lot.
This morning when I got up, I shot over an e-mail to a friend, expressing my sadness and my doubts as to why I continue this blog or even write. I then went for a walk to clear my head, gather my wits and give myself my everyday pep talk. What do I say to myself?
- I tell myself I am a great writer. Others just don’t know it yet because I have nothing yet to show them. But I will. It’s coming, and it will be fantastic. (I have to tell myself this several times during the day so I don’t give up).
- I set new goals. I get a clear picture in my mind of where I want to be 2 weeks from now, a month from now. It helps to stay focused.
- I decide how I will celebrate meeting my goals. It could be a movie, a new dress, maybe even chocolate. Recognizing the achievement of my goals boosts my confidence.
- I try to learn from my mistakes and not look at them as colossal failures. Very difficult for someone who’s been told ever since childhood they’re a failure (“Jen, that A- on your exam should have been an A+. Why did you mess up? Why didn’t you study?”)
- I will continue listening to others’ opinions, but I must hold true to who I am. I will not let others take any more of my heart, my spirit or my soul just to make themselves look bigger and better. There are those who want to see me succeed as much as I want to see them succeed. Surround myself with these people.
- I will give more of my time and encouragement to others. I already do this, but I must do more because it lends to gaining positive feedback and respect from others, all essential when building a better self-esteem.
- Stop comparing myself to others. I’m me. And I have a lot to offer.
- And last but not least…never, never, never give up on my dreams. They are all that I have to keep me moving forward. If I lose my dreams, I lose me. I don’t want to lose me.
And…now that I’ve managed to make everyone depressed, I will start my corned beef and cabbage and dive back into my short story (which has a rapidly approaching deadline), and my novel, which will get a publishing contract this year, come hell or high water.
What about any of you? Do you have self-esteem issues? Do you find you have to give yourself pep talks every day? I would love to hear about your personal triumphs. Please share.
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- Self Esteem 101 (vdcoleman.wordpress.com)
- Signs of Low Self-Esteem (psychcentral.com)
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YA Chit Chat 
I wanted to say thank you for following my blog and even more importantly for this post.Low self esteem can cripple us if we let it. I am thrilled that you keep plugging away regardless. This spirit of determination is one I identify with and you gave a voice to an issue facing many .Well done!
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Jenny, it doesn’t come easily to anyone. Each of us has our road to travel to publication. I placed in the first round of the Amazon contest, but I entered a dozen contests in the past 2 years where I never made it to the first round. It’s about perseverance. Coming back each time we get knocked down. (After a pint of chocolate ice cream and greasy cheeseburger)
I’ve seen people get agents while I query away. It’s hard. But I read this great advice from an agent–Eyes on your own paper. Just focus on you. And you will get there too. 🙂
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Wow Jenny, I definitely feel this way sometimes. Point 8 stood out for me in this post. Never give up on your dream. That keeps me going when I feel like I’ll never get there. I know you can do it Jenny, this post proves it – not only a great writer but one capable of inspiring and motivating others. Keep going, don’t give up! And thank you for being honest, don’t ever stop that either!
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Oh, Diane, you are not unloveable and you aren’t a fraud. You’ve just had some bad breaks in life. We’ll take turns flying on each other’s wings, okay? Up up and away to new horizons. We can do this! Just remember how beautiful are you are on the inside.
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I have just spent the last hour bawling my eyes out. Jenny I am so sorry that we didn’t meet when I was in Florida but I couldn’t be closer to you than I feel now. Lots about you that I don’t know but now I know this…we have lots in common. The unlovable kid is me. Even when I thought I found the Prince of my dreams he found someone else and left me. I have 2 children 1 is disabled and the other has no respect for me no matter how much I do for her to her I will never be the mom of her dreams. I am still unloveable. almost 59 years old and I will always be alone. I try I really do but then why would anyone want me when I don’t like my self anymore either. This isn’t encouraging you much but you certainly brought out the tucked away feelings I had . My facebook friends are the best because they will never see the fraud I am.
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Gosh, I am both shaking my head and nodding at your post. Shaking my head because I’m jealous of YOU for your fantastic blog and all your blog awards. Talk about having a blog that’s worthy destination instead of just being a self-promotion vehicle. There’s a reason I have your blog on the equivalent of “speed dial” (Google reader).
I’m nodding because, oy do I ever have those same negative thoughts. “I’m a hack”, “The ability to construct a clever sentence every now and then does not a writer make”, “Your work will just blip on the radar and be as quickly forgotten because it’s a vanity vehicle at worst, pulp fiction at best.”, “You have such a skewed sense of what’s good and bad, people are surely patting your hand while snickering behind your back.”…and on and on.
And the kids and parental unit comments…well, those closest to us know exactly what to say to inflict the most damage in the heat of the moment. That’s the definite downside of loving relationships. But those we love also know what will melt our hearts in a nanosecond don’t they?
I’d tell you to cheer up, but that’s not a platitude that works in these moments. Self-esteem for most of us is a roller-coaster ride of extremes. The more you put yourself out there, the greater terror AND the joy.
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Ah, Claire, you are one of my special people. I have learned so much from you. And while I’m sitting here with a blog, you actually have a book being published very, very soon. Mine is still sitting in edit mode and has been for quite some time. Everything in its own time, right?
I had no idea my post would get such a response. Now I feel like a whiny baby complaining I didn’t get my second helping of ice cream. 🙂
I’m in a much happier mood today. It’s all cyclical, you know. Moods. All we can do is keep plugging along and talking it out. I’m thrilled to know I have so many people I support also supporting me. What a great feeling. Thank you for being there for me in my time of need.
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Ah, Traci, you’re an angel. I love your blog and I enjoy seeing the e-mail pop up that you’ve posted something new.
I hear you about the husband thing. I ripped up a 500 page hand-written manuscript (didn’t have a computer in 1988) because of my now ex-husband, who was also jealous of my writing. It was my first ever completed novel. Gone. And I hear you about being the ugly duckling though I don’t think I every hit the pretty stage. Attractive. That’s what my mom called me. Heck, cows are attractive. 🙂 and I get you about the weight thing. I’ve struggled with it all my life, but I don’t think it will affect how your readers perceive you. I recently discovered what a couple of my favorite authors look like and they are not twigs. Writers are different from Hollywood glamour. They have to be beautiful because they are in the public eye. We, well, we just have to write beautifully. Our words are our face. Get your readers to fall in love with your words, they won’t care what you look like. They’ll love you anyway. At least, that’s my take on it.
I’m with you. God created me and I’m beautiful to Him. Through Him I will find my strength and be all that I can be with what precious time I have on this earth. Today is a new day. The sun is out. The birds are chirping. Life is good. Taking it one day at a time and finding the parts to love. Hugs to you, sweetie. You’re beautiful.
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I’ve struggled with self-esteem my whole life. From elementary to highschool. College was a brief resprite. Then I got married–and he was an abusive, manipulative fake. He was jealous of my writing and wore me down so that I gave it up during the 6 years of our marriage, but after it was over, I found therapy in writing about it, in telling stories again. I’m shy and it would take me a bucket load of ambition to get me up in front of an audience. I was the ugly duckling turned pretty in college and during and after my marriage years, but a few years ago, I put on a lot of weight do to the meds I take and my self-esteem took a crushing turn. I constantly compare myself to others, worry that my readers (when I get them) might be disgusted by my size, and, of course, that I’m not “special” anymore. Maybe I had my one shot–my only shot with youth. But I cling to the thought that “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me,” and I feel restored to myself. Heaven knows I have a long way to go, but I get closer everyday. Hugs. Please continue with your blog, we need you!!
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Oh honey (((((hugs)))))
You are really not alone, I know exactly how you feel.
My self esteem issues mean that I don’t have many friends, even though I strive daily to be nice, honest, friendly….it still doesn’t work, so that instills the belief that I’m not really worth taking the time with. I seem to be one of those people that everyone forgets about, the type of person who is easy to let down and doesn’t show up on anyone’s radar. I get overlooked in groups, and that makes me revert back into my shell even more.
How do I cope with it? I’m not sure lol. I’ve been let down by everyone, family, so called friends. The only people who have ALWAYS been by my side are my kids. That’s hard to live with and does make me sad, but I hate wallowing (don’t get me wrong, I do wallow and get tearful but I snap myself out of it) because I know there is nothing I can do about it. I just plough on, hope something will change, hope one day that people see me 😉
I wish I had a magic wand for you hon and how brave are you, sharing how you feel…..perhaps that’s the key, acceptance 😉
Good luck, and by the way….. I love reading your blog 🙂
xx
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((((hugs))))) to you, too, Vikki! Ah, this crazy life we’re in, huh? Do you know I’ve talked to so many people yesterday and today because of this post? I’ve received so many e-mails, not to mention the post here, from people I’ve never met, all with similar stories. the main theme that runs through all the messages is hope, love and understanding. I hold out my hand to you. We’ll get through this crazy world together, all of us weird, silly little writers. What an odd bunch we are. 🙂 I like it. Thank you so much for stopping by and I love your blog, too!
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Don’t give up, Jenny! Vent like crazy, then write, write, write. I found this post after I read yours and thought I’d pass it on to you. Justin gave some great advice about rejection and writers. Here’s the link: http://write21.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/moving-from-rejection-to-acceptance
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Jenny…. oh, Jenny. I do not know you, but I know where you are coming from. When I first started my blog, I was sure people would be leaving tons of comments, and following it.. they didn’t. These days they do! It took well over a year.
When you said, “And…now that I’ve managed to make everyone depressed” it bothered me.. One thing that never helps is negative self-talk.
I am sorry you feel so sad.. 😦 I get the lonely feelings and the wanting to feel loved and warm.. we all need that!
Hopefully you can find a way to reach down inside and see that you are worthy, lovable and beautiful. Because you are. You need to find a way to realize it for yourself.
Trust me! I know first hand! 😉
I am totally following your blog now!
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Thank you, Darlene, and I know I shouldn’t complain. I have it so much better than other people. I know that. And trust me, I’m not down all the time. I just hate it when I get in these moods. Sometimes it helps just talking about it and getting feedback from others. Today has been very therapeutic for me. I hope it has been for someone else out there who stumbled upon the blog, too. There is an amazing network of people out there who are willing to help and share kindness and goodness. Sometimes, we simply have to reach out.
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Gosh! I didn’t mean for you to not talk about it… of course we must.. 🙂 Talking has always helped me.. I am sure writing helps you too! 😀
And reaching out is always the way to go..the more people we reach out to, the better we feel and who knows? Maybe we’ll touch another life without even realizing it.
All those little things we say to our self, we believe it.. You may not believe it, but your subconscious only believes what you tell it. Good or bad.
I am in your corner, even though I don’t know you..
I will be stopping by here from time to time! Hit me up if you ever need to chat.
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Dear new friend, First of all, this is the finest blog post I’ve read today. It’s honest, interesting, and touched me enough to want to take the time to respond. THAT is what good writing is all about, having the ability to capture a reader isn’t luck… it’s a talent. Keep writing… and people will read.
No, I can’t say I have low self esteem, however, on occasion I certainly have doubted myself. By the time we are old & wise we will have learned from all our doubts.
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Thank you, Amy. Your words lifted my spirits immensely. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It means a lot. How are your beautiful animals and farm doing today?
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A bit soggy, rain in the desert today! About time!
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Thanks, C.B. I’m glad to know I’m not the only work in progress. 🙂 Thank you for weighing in. Getting out of the rut of listening to what others say is the hard part. Once I do that, the rest will be easy.
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I’ve struggled with self-esteem my entire life. LIke you I’ve had a lot of people tell me in various way that I was not good enough for anything. For a long time, I wondered if they were right. Then I started to realize it didn’t matter what anyone else said – I liked who I was because I was different than everyone else. I’m creative, unique, and I refuse to see things like the so-called “normal people.” Once I decided this, the words stopped hurting.
I know exactly how you feel when watching others reach goals. Yes, we all watch and are so happy for them, but we wonder why it isn’t happening to us. And that makes us question and doubt ourselves. I have to constantly remind myself to stop doing that! My moment will come and so will yours. I’d rather have it be the right moment that the quickest. Every rejection stings, but ultimately I see it as one more step towards reaching my dream.
Hang in there and know you are an amazing writer. 🙂
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I know how you feel. It was like you were describing me in this post. I’m kind of private, so I don’t talk about this kind of thing a lot, but trust me when I say that you are NOT alone, even when it might feel like you are. Hang in there and stay strong, Jenny. Things will get better, I promise.
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Thank you, Amy. I’ve been following your blog closely. Any word yet??? I have my fingers crossed for you.
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Jenny, I feel as if I know you so much better because of your fearless recounting of your low point and then the bootstrap pull this morning.
I was diagnosed with co-dependency years ago. The passive kind: a people pleaser, “not good enough,” I “own” everyone’s mood. They said it’s what led to my battle with alcoholism. And, no, I don’t blame my parents or people close to me or my “happy hour” job. I made my choices. Others coped without choosing wine to fill the hole in their soul.
Today, I surround myself with people who care about me for the person I am. I have flaws. I’m human. I have a past. It taught me lessons I carry with me. I can’t change what I did in the past. I can only hope to spread joy and DO NO HARM in the future.
As for feeling guilty as you mourn your perceived lack of recognition while others celebrate achievements. Shed that guilt. Go on. Do it now. You are human. We all celebrate for others, and hope (with a touch of envy) that we’ll be there someday. Well, I do. I can’t speak for “we” or “all.”
I found a “partner” (my younger sister) who read The Purpose Driven Life with me–one chapter a day for forty days. What an uplifting, healing experience. We talked every morning about what we’d learned and how we would apply it to our lives that day. One day at a time. The phrase isn’t JUST for 12-steppers.
I still have one nay-sayer in my life who picks at me, my choices, my decisions as if it’s his/her mission to fix what’s wrong with me. I shut him/her out now and push back. I’m me. I’m old enough to make my own choices. I’m on solid ground with serenity about who I am.
You’re you. Wonderful you.
I gotta’ tell you, though, my heart aches for the little girl who heard those negative messages delivered so frequently at a tender age.
I hope you noticed how many people checked in on your post today. Why? Because you’re not alone, my friend. Thanks for the message and the peek into the soul that makes you an emotive writer.
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Thank you, Gloria, for your support and kind words. I blame no one but myself for my moods. I choose to let them affect me or not. I can’t change the past, but it is part of what made me who I am today. With all the lovely people I’ve met on this journey to become a better writer, I am sure my life will be stronger, richer and unbelievably wonderful. Hugs to you and thank you for being there for me and all your other blog fans. I admire you and your tenacity and strength.
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Oh my, Jen, I could have written the first part of this post, down to the “why isn’t this A- an A+” and “no one will ever want you.” Words do hurt, and they ricochet around for years, still breaking bones and tearing muscle.
So, yes, I suffer from self-esteem issues; yes, I want to have people read my writing and have it inhabit them for a long time, but I too have nothing to show for it, apart from some short excerpts on my author page.
I haven’t blogged for a couple of months now, and when I think about starting up again, I have to admit, I wonder if anyone will care. I am going to print out the end of your post and tape it to my monitor.
I agree with J.A., that it is important to surround oneself with the right people. I’m rooting for you!
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Thank you, Elizabeth, and you should start up your blog again. If nothing else, it gives you a place where you can be you and say what you feel and think. People want honesty when they read blogs. Someone they can identify with and someone who offers hope. Go for it. If you don’t, your own demons have won. Don’t let them win. Believe. 🙂
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Excellent point, Jenny. I’ll be darned if I’ll let the demons win. Thank you for the encouragement.
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Omigosh! I lived with that “Why isn’t the A an A+” thing growing up. It even managed to slip into my novel… Although I actually didn’t realize that until now. Funny how our parents follow us.
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I’ve struggled so often (and continue to struggle) against those feelings of being unworthy, of not being good enough, not disciplined enough, not “this” or “that” enough. It’s insidious the way those thoughts conspire against me and make every failure an example of how I will continue to fail, while every success I come to see as an aberration, a fleeting and undeserved accident whose only purpose is to lure me into the mistake of believing that it can be duplicated or can last.
I do believe people are telling the truth when they say I’m a good writer in the sense that they believe what they’re saying. What I go on to doubt is whether I have what it takes to nurture my natural talent into what it takes to write marketable novels. That’s a big leap and it seems to me that there must be tons of good writers who never make it, and I want to be one of that lucky few who beats the odds, but… me? The guy who never succeeded at anything in his life? Why should this be any different from anything else?
But you know, amid all the doubts and underneath all the failure there’s a flicker of hope that just refuses to be snuffed out. I may never amount to squat and I may end up an old man who has nothing to look back on at the end of his life but an endless succession of failures, but I just can’t be the guy that gives up and throws in the towel. If I do fail, I’ll be damned if it will be because I just gave up and quit. If I’m going to fail as a writer, I’m going to fail after I give it my best shot and become the best writer I can be and am told repeatedly by the best in the business that my best writing isn’t good enough; and even then, I have stories to tell and I’m determined to tell those stories to the few who like my writing enough to want to read it.
Jen, I didn’t intend this reply to put the spotlight on myself, necessarily, but to show you that you’re far from alone, that whatever haunts you shouldn’t make you feel isolated and if you don’t believe my demons are right about me, then you shouldn’t believe your demons are right about you, either. Demons are liars, after all. That’s their job and they do it well. They look into our souls, find where we are weak, and they exploit those weaknesses with the most devious of untruths, the ones we are most likely to believe, the ones that will damage us the most. The battles people face when they take on the world are won first on the battleground of the soul where they defeat the inner demons all of us face before going on that world they have decided to take on. You can do this, Jenny. You have the talent and you are rapidly developing the skills to pair with that natural talent. You are putting it all together now and your present accomplishments are an inspiration and encouragement to me. I see you becoming a good writer and it tells me that I can become a god writer. I see you finishing your first novel and that tells me that I can do it, too.
When we met you were working on the initial draft. Now your manuscript is at the final stages and you’re moving through the editing phase and you seem on the verge of publication. *fingers crossed, knocking on wood, et cetera, as appropriate* I remember you talking about your doubts and it makes me feel like I can overcome my doubts. I can’t wait for you to realize the success you so deserve. We face very similar challenges, you and I; and so, of all the writers I’ve met over the past several years, you are the one who inspires me the most.
Thank you.
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Tristan, you brought tears to my eyes. I love what you said, about the demons. Those nasty things do attach to our thoughts and are determined to see us fail. Like you, I will continue to fight until there is no more fight left in me. I will not go down quietly. I never have. I’ve always had to do things kicking and screaming and demanding my place in line.
You are a very talented individual and you will get published and I believe this with all my heart and soul. I believe you have what it takes, you just need to finish your novel. I think you will not only surprise the demons inside of you but yourself. The world is waiting patiently. 🙂 Thank you for fantastic and supportive words. It means so much to me.
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Jen, I know I shock you (for some reason) whenever I mention I have self-doubts. My self-doubts come from my low self-esteem. And whilst that low self-esteem should have no place in my life now, it’s like a soul-sucker that sneaks up on you when you think everything’s going okay and makes you begin to question ‘why should I deserve this?’ and the second those doubts creep in, the negativity joins them and the up suddenly seems as though you’re facing the wrong way. All I can say is: you’re 100% right with your pep talk. But most importantly: make sure you surround yourself with the right people (real or virtual). Even though the self doubt will still be there, the ‘right people’ will make sure you plough though it a little easier. 🙂
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I adore you, Jules! You are a beacon of light for me and you are one of the ‘right people’. Thank you for being there. 🙂
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Aww, bless you. 🙂
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Well, if that’s not a big “Everythings okay” than I’ve never heard one. J A Belfield is a great author, and she has doubts.
We all have doubts once in a while, Jen. I doubt stuff in my personal life all the time. I always wonder if I’ve made horrible misakes. But even if we do, we need to learn from them and make them right.
Here’s a big cyber hug **** 🙂 ****
Now turn that doubt around and mold it into a best seller!
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Aww, bless you. Thanks so much, Jennifer. 🙂
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What you must remember, that what none of us see when we look at a successful blogger/author is the hours of blood, sweat and tears they’ve poured into their work, all the hours asking for advice, of research to learn about what works and what doesn’t. All we see is the finished result. And remember, everyone’s journey is different. Some may be lucky to stumble on the expressway, but the rest of us have to forge our own meandering paths through the thickets until we find our way. But as long as you continue to write and to believe in yourself, one way or the other, sooner or later, you’ll see results. The worst thing you can do is to start comparing yourself to others. If you start comparing your successes with the Kings and Hockings and Rowlings of the world, you’ll never get anywhere.
I suffered a bit of self-doubt when I first decided to write seriously, but chose not to let it cripple me. Just concentrate on your own work, at your own pace, and keep your fingers crossed!
P.S.: Your children told you you failed them as a mom? No offence, but that’s like the most callous thing to say ever!
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I hear what you’re saying, JC, but after a lifetime of being compared to others, it’s hard to turn off the spicket that feeds the doubt. The logic you bring is valid and I will also incorporate your advice to not compare myself to others. At least, I’ll try.
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Such a tender and vulnerable unveiling of your heart, Jenny. Thank you for sharing yourself unscripted and candidly. I think every single one of us feels, or has felt like this at one time or another; most writers I believe will struggle with this more often as our identifies are defined by pages and publications, awards and accreditations, It becomes more and more difficult to remember that our worth is not measured by our achievements and success, but by simply being the creation we were made to be. You are talented. You do have purpose. Don’t allow these lies to stand in the way of your Great potential.
Cheering you on!
Cara 🙂
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Oh, Jenny! Back on February 16th, when I was considering who to nominate for the Kreative Blogger and Versatile Blogger, I noticed you had already been awarded these, so I spread the awards to others who had not received one in awhile. I LOVE your blog and would nominate you in a heartbeat! If you go back to my post on that day, you will notice I mentioned your blog and linked it back here, so others could enjoy it, too. I would definitely consider you for any of the awards that are out there! I’m sure you will do well in all your writing endeavors in your future. 🙂
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Oh, heavens! This post was in no way meant to make anyone feel bad or wish they’d done anything differently or even to beg for accolades. It is simply an unveiling of what someone with self esteem issues goes through and how we fight every day to find our own self-worth. I don’t want anything I don’t deserve and I would much rather have awards go to others who haven’t received them or deserve them even more. Oh, me. I think I came off rather obnoxious there. So not what I meant. All I wanted to say is that there are a lot of people who don’t need the pats on the back because they know they did well. I need them because even when I do well, I don’t believe it. Does that make sense?
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Yes, it does, Jenny. I just wanted what I said to let you know that you ARE worth it and meant as a great be hug! It didn’t seem obnoxious to me. It hurts me to think that you have had so much pain in your life that made you feel as though you were unworthy of people’s praise. You do deserve it, despite what you think. I think you have a lot going for you and from what I’ve seen here, a lot of friends who feel the same way. Writers tend to be rather solitary souls who need to peek out and realize that there are a lot of people out in the world who will appreciate what you have to offer. 🙂
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Your post resounded within me in so many ways. Besides being told at every step that I just wasn’t good enough, my “favorite” basher was what my mom no doubt thought was encouragement when she offered, “It’s a good thing you’re funny, because you’re not pretty.” Uh, ok, thank you.
I also don’t have many followers and don’t have any blog awards and am a writer whose novels will be well loved “somewhere in time.”
Stay with the positive affirmations and keep walking. I struggle with the affirmations but find the walking helps me clear some of the crap out of my head!
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thanks for stopping by, Emma. I remember my mom telling me ‘sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me.’
No untruer words could be spoken. Words not only hurt, they cut deep and the scars don’t heal. Big hugs to a fellow writer who is destined for great things. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to post. I hope you visit often.
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