Here is my second campaigner challenge from Rach Writes. The instructions are long, so if you’re interested in the various writing prompts, click here. I tried to use them all except for the poetry stuff. So, here is my flash fiction entry of an angel/demon thriller.
My logline:
They say Hell has no fury like a woman’s scorn. They haven’t met Jason. None of them should have met Angelica and Seth.
Flash Fiction piece in 200 words or less…
***
Jason sat against the rusted bridge support, his hair and clothes soaked. Angelica sat across from him, shivering upon the base of a concrete pillar, her leg cut and bleeding. Jason breathed deep, warding off the change morphing through his veins. It wasn’t time. Not yet. He cast his gaze downward so she wouldn’t see the flames licking at the windows of his mortal prison. In moments the world would end and she would be his concubine in Hell.
Small voices averted his attention to the beach. In the shadow of a desolate mansion, four children scoured the trash and sand for morsels. Jason smiled. Pathetic fools. If you only knew your insignificant lives were almost over.
A young boy kicking a ball appeared on the mansion’s veranda. Grinning, he picked up his ball and peered over the edge, his blue eyes set on Jason. Shedding his red coat, he snapped open his wings, and hurled the ball downward.
“No!” Jason summoned the serpentine change.
The ball, now a whirling tear of holy water, burst upon Jason’s chest. The demon screamed in agony, then dissolved in a nebula of light.
Angelica smiled and stretched her wings. “Nice shot, Seth. Let’s go.”
***
Please stop by Rachael’s site. I’m sitting at #68.
Wow! Your writing is an absolute pleasure to read – it flows so beautifully and the story unfolds at such a nice pace. Fantastic job! 🙂
Are you sure you don’t want to expand on this . . . its a great idea! 😉
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Thank you for your comments! You’re the second person who said I should consider expanding this. Hmm. I’ll put it on the list of to do’s. 🙂
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LOVE!!!!!!!! It’s perfect, IMO. I want more!
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thank you!
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Loved the imagery. Nice entry!
Melissa Maygrove #14
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Loved the twist!
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Nicely done. I love the twist at the end.
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Thank you.
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I loved how it started out all dark, but the twist changed it completely. And I loved how the ball turned into holy water. Voting for you.
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thank you, Esther. 🙂
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Loved the twist and use of the boy with the ball! Perfect way to ‘diffuse’ a tense situation, I’d say! 🙂
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My favorite so far. Great job!
#60
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Wow, thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.
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WOW! Great flash fiction, Jenny.
I didn’t see that ball coming, and that says it all, doesn’t it?
I was off-the-grid yesterday. Sorry about the delay in posting my KUDOS!
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Thank you for the kudos. Glad you liked the ending. It came to me out of the blue. I love it when that stuff happens…you know, when the light bulb goes off and the words hit and you sit back and say to yourself, “Damn! Where did that come from?” 🙂
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Interesting. Love the twist.
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Interesting twist here! Sounds like an intriguing story–wish there were more!
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Nice one. Some interesting themes running through this. You may be able to develop this into a larger peice.
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oh good one – loved the twist ending
sue# 48
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Nice. It’s an interesting story. I like the layers of deception. An no way would I want to be a concubine in Hell.
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I’m with you. 🙂 thanks for stopping by and good luck on the challenge!~
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Exerlent. Are you playing to continue this?.
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No. this is it. A brief little tidbit of flash fiction. 🙂
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