Brenda Drake’s Can You Leave Us Breathless Contest


From Brenda Drake’s blog site:  It’s time to post to your blogs for the Can You Leave Us Breathless? blogfest contest. Yes, you can still join in, just sign up below. The linky will close sometime on Saturday when the first judge gets to the end of the list.  Read more here.

With that said, here is my morbid attempt at leaving the secret judges breathless.
—–
Emergency vehicles surrounded seventeen-year old Michael.  Through the Camero’s smashed windshield, he could make out a car wrapped around the front of his.  A body slumped over the steering wheel and a child’s legs jutted at an odd angle from the dashboard.

His driver door snapped open and hands reached in.  Michael turned his head and vomited the drugs and alcohol in his gut.  A stethoscope touched his chest and a cuff squeezed his arm and then there was nothing.

***

Michael opened his eyes to the recognizable chorus of hospital beeps and voices.  A weary but familiar face stared down at him.

“Dad,” Michael said.  It was the first time since the accident he’d seen either of his parents.  He glanced around.  “Where’s Mom?”

Silently, his father withdrew a vial from his doctor’s coat and filled a syringe, then leaned over and pressed the needle against Michael’s neck.

“What are you doing?”  Michael asked.  He struggled to move but restraints held his arms.  He tried to yell, but fabric filled his mouth.  A tear rolled down his cheek as his eyes pleaded with his father.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, son.”  Tears fell from his father’s eyes.  “But I can’t take it anymore.  You took away everything I loved.”

Michael mumbled something indiscernible.  The tip of the needle pierced his neck.

“You don’t know what I’m talking about do you?  Think.  The car you hit?  The people you killed?  They were my wife and son.  Your mother and brother.”

Liquid death ran hot through Michael’s veins.

His father stood, a gun held to his own head, tears streaming down his face.  “Goodbye, Son.”  A shot rang out.  A final tear dripped down Michael’s cheek.

And somewhere on the street, another teen tipped back a bottle and popped another pill.

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27 thoughts on “Brenda Drake’s Can You Leave Us Breathless Contest

  1. The ending line makes me think this could be a morbid anti-drug campaign for D.A.R.E. or M.A.D.D. As far as the rest goes, definitely very dramatic. Many writers worry that they will shock or offend, which can be a handicap, so good for you writing what you felt like.

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    1. Oh, my. I hadn’t even thought of that! So not my intent but as with all writing, once you put your thoughts out there, they are no longer yours. They become the worlds’ to interpret anyway they like. Thank you for opening my eyes to a different viewpoint and thank you for visiting my blog and leaving your thoughts. I can’t think of a better honor.

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  2. Wow. Just wow! The only thing I want to change is at the end. Instead of saying a pill, I think it should be another pill. That’s just me though. I didn’t see the father killing himself coming and that’s great! Good job!! 🙂

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  3. Thanks, Jennifer. It’s a little twisted and morbid, even for me. I was hesitant to post but then thought, what the heck. Why not? I might also enter it in a Halloween flash fiction contest. not sure.

    Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate you visiting. 🙂

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