Enticing taglines


I am trying to perfect my tagline to enter into a contest and I need your help.  I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer for your help except to return the favor should you find yourself in a writing jam.

After a similar poll yesterday, I discovered the tagline I had was mediocre at best, so, I saved all your comments, erased the post and started over.  The following came to me at 4 a.m. this morning and I really like it.  I would like to know if it would catch your interest as well.  As always, comments are welcome.

After being kidnapped and thrust into a world steeped in magic and murder, millionaire teen, David Heiland, is forced to defend a realm besieged by a vengeful dragon and a narcissistic sorcerer.  Only an absolute victory will provide a path back home.

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One thought on “Enticing taglines

  1. Oh! I like this so much better! It starts out great, but it does maybe start losing me in the end.

    Let’s take a look…

    After being kidnapped and thrust into a world steeped in magic and murder, millionaire teen, David Heiland, is forced to defend a realm besieged by a vengeful dragon and a narcissistic sorcerer,

    Love what’s above. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m ready to buy it and start biting my nails.

    or else face a torturous execution by a council of mages . . . the same mages responsible for sending the world spiraling toward a war they started.

    Not sure about this parth, though. It might be overkill. Does he ever face torture? Is it really a key component of the story? (At least enough to put into the pitch? I’m not sure. Maybe say something like victory is the only way home or something like that. If you want to stick with the mages, maybe work on that part just a little more, but I think you’ve got something on the top section.

    Like

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