Help! There are teenage aliens living in my home and they’re speaking a foreign language!

I gotta tell you folks:  I don’t know my kids anymore.  I look at them sometimes and wonder where my sweet, precious little children went.  I mean, I really sit back sometimes and say “Who the heck are you?”  Sometimes I feel they’ve been assimilated by a bizarre alien species that has taken over my home.  I can’t understand the language, and my force field shields are down from the constant bombardment of irrational mood swings. Good heavens!  Captain Kirk didn’t have it this bad with the Romulans or Klingons. 

But you know what?  Those ‘aliens’ see us the same way.   Muwhahahaha!  Good.  😉  Once I realized this little fact, I understood that in order to win this emotional war (and it is war, folks), I had to learn the lingo.  See, these not so little creatures who slam our doors, walk around half-dressed and think the world revolves around them, well, they understand us much better than we understand them.  That’s why they make our lives as parents as challenging as possible.  They’ve had lots of practice infiltrating the adult camp.  Now it’s time for us to do the same.  (I hear diabolical laughter).  Remember, this is war in its most inconspicuous form.  The first way to counter their attacks is to learn their code, their language, both written and spoken and I’m here to pass on some of those secret words and phrases.  Keep them close by so you best know how to counter their attacks.  (for those of you outside the US, some of these may seem a little ridonkulus (yes, it means ridiculous).  Oh.  *talking in whispers*  I must warn you, some of this is ugly stuff, and if they found out we knew – they’d change the code, so tread carefully and keep your eyes and ears open.

XD:  denotes laughter.  Rawr:  I love you.  That’s so Scene:  That’s awesome.  Sex Kitten:  Best friend (not sexual).  Rolling:  to use the drug Ecstasy.QT:  quiet time.  Do you want some monster?:  Do you want to get drunk/get high?  Poker Face:  dancing while you’re high.  Giving a Light Show:  entertaining a person who is high.  Blazing:  smoking weed.  Burnt:  being high on weed.  Duck, Duck, Goose:  performing/receiving fellatio.  Sideways:  Having sex/let’s have sex.  Blow the pipe:  performing fellatio.  Doing Bob or  “Marley“:  smoking weed.  Rolling Party:  doing Ecstasy with friends.  Noob:  a stupid person.  Flash: if your teen snaps back at you with this word rather than the typical eye roll, (s)he just called you ‘stupid’.  Yep.  In layman’s terms, it means, “You just said something really obvious and stupid.”  Trippin’:  on drugs and utterly confused.  Blue Steel:  flirtatious behavior/sexual innuendos.  Pocket Hoppers:  girls who are known to be very promiscuous.  Popping:  popping pills or sleeping with a virgin.  Pop, Lock, and Drop:  a casual sexual encounter.  Hit and Run:  a casual sexual encounter, usually with a stranger.  Crunk:  musical style, but also means getting drunk and high at once.  Hood scratch:  marijuana  06’n:  Lesbian activity  187:  murder  304:  whore, hooker.  All up in my grill:  in my face.  Butter:  means something is really good.  Pigeon:  ugly girl  Pleb:  a person who is inferior, an idiot or inept “That dude is straight up pleb.”  Selling woof tickets:  trying to get someone to believe a lie  Shizzle:  something very good  Sirius Black:  someone who is extremely sexy (I wonder if JK had any idea…)  Squirrel:  hot girl  Train:  several males having sex with the same woman consecutively at the same location “After the game, the football team ran a train over her.”  Spun:  means your teen really likes the way something looks.  “Jason’s shirt today was spun.”  This is NOT the same thing as cool.  If you say ‘spun’ by itself, prepared to be ‘Flashed’.  Co-pilot:  a friend who agrees to stay sober and hallucinogenic-free while another youth takes LSD or any other kind of narcotic.  “Ground man” is another term meaning something very similar.  Bagging:  used to describe the action of using inhalants in order to achieve a euphoric state.

 Instant Messenger lingo:

 AFK – Away From Keyboard ; ASL – Age/Sex/Location?; BTW – By The Way; CTN – Can’t Talk Now; JAS – Just A Second; IDC – I Don’t Care; ILY – I Love You; JW – Just Wondering; LYLAS – Love You Like A Sister; NVM – Never Mind; POS/”9″ – Parent Over Shoulder; SRY – Sorry; YTB – You’re The Best

More IM text can be found at

Now I’m off to hang with my angels.  TTFN.