I have four children and each of them are as different as night and day from each other. They are unique and that’s what makes them special and beautiful. They each have their own opinions, their own way of looking at things and trust me, these varied opinions have led to some issues between the kids. They’ve also tested the temperaments of the parents over the years. What I didn’t expect was being told by my oldest she can’t rely on me or trust me.
She can’t rely and trust me because of something I said on Facebook that didn’t agree with her opinion. The conversation then took to e-mail where she said some things that really, really tore at my heart and left me very hurt and sad. Never once has she apologized for hurting me or for being 50/50 responsible for the conversation escalating to the level it did.
Because I disagreed with her, she ‘un-friended’ me. Now, this wouldn’t hurt so much except that’s where I can find all the latest and greatest pictures of my precious grand-daughter. See, she lives on the other side of the country so I don’t get to see her, and she’s not a phone person, so I don’t get to talk to her. FB was my only lifeline to this sweet little girl. So now, because my daughter is mad at me, I can’t ‘see’ my grand-daughter.
After a very nice e-mail asking her how her Mother’s Day went and to relay all the scoop and good news on my end, I get an e-mail addressing no other points except the FB issue in which she states she unfriended me because she can’t rely on me or trust me, and therefore can’t have me in her circle of friends. My posts made her feel threatened, unsafe. She needs positive influences surrounding her and I’m not one of them.
All because I’m a conservative and I disagreed with her on an abortion matter.
I think this all stems from a very angry demon in her past that she blames me for. In her eyes, I should have been there, I should have stopped what happened, even though I didn’t know it was going on. Despite my efforts to ‘fix’ it once I found out, she will always view me as unreliable and untrustworthy.
Why doesn’t that logic work in reverse?
As a parent I dealt with my kids lying, sneaking, having secrets, throwing temper tantrums, bad-mouthing me, name-calling, being nasty and defiant, shedding irrational tears, going through nasty hormonal challenges, showing disrespect, putting holes in walls, screaming, shouting and much, much more. Not one of them cared how it affected me, how they hurt me, how much they ripped my heart out. And I’m unreliable and trustworthy?
I’m sorry, kids, but despite all that, I’m still here. Out of all your ‘friends’ you’ve had over the years, who is still here despite being kicked around like a dog? How many of those people did you know are still with you after passing through your emotional hell? One, maybe two? Oh yeah, and me.
But I’m unreliable and untrustworthy.
To my kids and all the kids of the world…I made mistakes, plenty of them. I’m a parent, I’m not perfect. Parents are human. We hurt. We break. We’re not made of steel. And we love you more than ourselves. So what makes me, a caring parent, different from my child? No matter what happens in life, I would never EVER in a million years shun my child simply because she disagreed with me on an issue.
But I didn’t have to. My daughter did that to me all on her own.
Yes, I suspect this demon from the past is still alive and well, and he’s destroying the present. Guess what…I’m the scapegoat, again. But I suppose that’s what unreliable and untrustworthy moms are made for.
Too bad it hurts so freaking bad.
- Toddlers & Teens: The Twilight Times (mummymedic.wordpress.com)
- Survey: Mother’s Day Statistics 2013 – CreditDonkey.com Survey Shows Spending Behavior by Sons and Daughters Versus Expectations by Moms (prweb.com)
- Doing Yesterday All Over Agian… (simplyylizz.wordpress.com)
- Thoughts on Mothering (lifemostcherished.wordpress.com)
- Angels and Demons from the Past (lucky13forlife.wordpress.com)